The night brings sadness.

I really wish that I could sit down and visit a dear friend from SpringHill. I loved being able to focus solely on God. Why can't I now? Why do I get caught up and everything around me? Why can't I sit for a moment of silence only thinking of him. Why is it I can't? I just want to sit and cry my heart out to him. I want to have all of my life devoted to him. I want so much more than I have. 

Why do I feel I have failed? Why do I feel like I could just sit here and hate myself for what I've done? When I just need him. I need to focus. I know that God loves me and I know what my current life plan is. But sometimes I struggle but we all do. We all fail. But the glorious thing about that is our God will give us another chance. 

I love God more than I ever thought I could. I love life more than I thought I could. I want more of that time to focus on him. I want to be able to grow stronger. I want to be the best christian I can be. And well Im not doing that right now.